Veteran's Day

I haven't really had a chance to post lately... every spare second of free time that I've had has been dedicated to getting ready for our wedding THIS WEEKEND! I can't believe how fast the time seems to have flown by.

But for today... I just wanted to say Happy Veteran's Day... and thank you for my wonderful husband-to-be for serving two tours in Iraq, and everything else he did for this country and all who live in it. Livie sure has one brave daddy, and I am so proud of him.

Happy Halloween!!

Day 25

Day 25 - My Day in Great Detail.

Today, I slept in for an extra hour. Mostly just because we got AWESOME new bedding at my bridal shower yesterday from Kurt's mom, and I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. So, I rushed around getting ready, and then drove to my practicum office. I sat in my supervisors office for the first part of the day, and then worked on my Ethiopia project [Which I am super excited to post about once I get further along. Stay tuned :)]. I made a Lean Cuisine pepperoni pizza for lunch, and then dropped it on the floor... so I ended up not eating lunch, which was awesome. After that, we headed off to a post-placement visit, which lasted until WAY after we were supposed to be finished. So, because of that, I missed the first hour of my evening class (social work with Latinos), and decided i would just go home instead! So instead of class, I spent the next couple of hours cleaning and finishing up some random wedding stuff. Kurt and I made dinner together, and now we're both doing homework. Or, pretending to do homework and blogging instead.

So that's my day. Exciting right?

October Challenge: Days 21-24

Day 21 - A recipe

Cooking is one of my favorite hobbies. I hoard cook books, and LOVE looking at cooking blogs and watching the Food Network. I wish I had the time to cook amazing meals every night. I am so looking forward to our lives settling down as soon as we're both out of college so that we're both home at dinner time.

I wish the recipe that I'm sharing was a little bit more original, but it's not. It's from The Pioneer Woman, and it's seriously the best pasta EVER. I would make it 5 nights a week if it wouldn't make me gain a hundred pounds. I also know that it was especially made for me, because my name is in the title :). The recipe is below, but click HERE to see the step by step photos on Ree's website. Seriously - so good. go make it. now.

Penne a la Betsy

Ingredients



■¾ pounds Penne Pasta
■1 pound Shrimp (We usually use chicken)
■3 Tablespoons Butter
■3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
■1 whole Onion (small)
■2 cloves Garlic
■½ cups White Wine (or To Taste)
■1 can Tomato Sauce (8 Oz)
■1 cup Heavy Cream
■Fresh Parsley, to taste
■Fresh Basil - To Taste
■Salt To Taste
■Pepper To Taste


Preparation Instructions


Cook the penne pasta until tender-firm, also known as al dente.
Peel, devein and rinse (under cool water) 1 pound of extra large shrimp. Heat about 1 tbsp. butter and olive oil in a skillet. Add the shrimp and cook for a couple minutes until just opaque. Do not overcook them. Remove from heat and let cool for a few minutes. Now, put the cooked shrimp on the cutting board and pull off the tails. Chop the shrimp into bite –sized pieces and set aside.
Finely dice one small onion. Mince two cloves of garlic.
In a large skillet heat 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Add the garlic and onion and sauté, stirring occasionally. After the garlic and onions have cooked a bit add your white wine. Let the wine evaporate for a few minutes, stirring occasionally. If you would rather not use wine, you can use low-sodium chicken broth instead (about ½ cup).
Now add an 8-ounce can of plain tomato sauce. Stir well until combined. Then add 1 cup of heavy cream. Continue stirring. Turn heat down to low and let simmer.
Now chop your herbs, about a tablespoon of chopped parsley and about the same amount of chopped basil, or if you’re feeling very proper, chiffonaded.
Now add your chopped shrimp back into the tomato cream sauce. Give it a stir and add salt and pepper to taste. Throw in your herbs and stir until combined. Finally add your cooked penne pasta and give it a good stir.

Day 22 - A website that has been meaningful since your loss.
There are several websites that have been meaningful over the past year or so.  I would say that the first one that really helped me, was thebump.com's miscarriage/pregnancy loss message board. While I was still pregnant, I loved reading everyone elses posts on the different trimester boards. I never really posted there, but I liked reading the questions and answers from all of the women who were as far along as I was. I noticed that there was a board for loss, and after Olivia died I got pretty involved in it. I met some AMAZING women who have been some of my greatest friends ever since. I honestly do not know where I would be emotionally right now without that board. I received so much support, and it was just so amazing to have a place to vent, where I wouldn't receive any judgment because everyone there completely understood. As of gone through this cycle, I've kind of stopped posting there, but I still check it out every once in a while, and keep in touch with quite a few of the ladies from the board on a regular basis.

I also want to encourage you (even though I know that I've posted this a bajillion times) to check out faces of loss if you have a chance. It's amazing, and definitely meaningful to me.

Day 23 - A YouTube video that makes you laugh

Totally hilarious. But only if you watch Sunday Night Football AND like Jane Lynch as much as we do!



Day 24 - Where you live.

Well. I live in Omaha Nebraska.

11 Months

Today is 10/20/10, which means it's been 11 months since Olivia was born. It is so hard for me to believe that we're closer to the first anniversary than we are to her birth, because honestly most of the time it feels like just yesterday that I was pregnant.

I already posted today, and I don't really have much else to say. I guess I just wanted to say that I miss her... and that I can't believe we're one month away from her Birthday! I want to do something special for her but don't really have any good ideas yet...

October Challenge, Days 16-20

Even though I spend SO much time on the computer each day, I obviously have a VERY hard time remembering that I'm supposed to be posting daily! So here are days 16-20.

Day 16 - A song that makes you cry.

Well, I already put a whole list of songs in my Day 1 post, but I Will Carry You by Selah is one that gets me every single time. I think it's impossible for me to not get emotional no matter when or where I hear this song.  It resonates with me so deeply... I was chosen to carry Livie, and despite all of the things that I wanted to show her and do with her, and no matter how wonderful the life Kurt and I would have created for her could have been, her life with God is even more amazing than that, and He is carrying BOTH of us now. And I am so thankful to Him for allowing me to be her mommy for those 34 weeks and 6 days.

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice

And He says...
I've shown him photographs of time beginning
Walked him through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love him like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

Day 17 – an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that moves you.
 Our wedding hasn't happened yet! We are about three weeks away - November 13, 2010. We knew we wanted a November wedding, and struggled quite a bit with picking the date. There were only two weekends that we could choose from - The weekend of the 13th, and the 20th. There was some sort of conflict with the 6th, and the weekend after the 20th is Thanksgiving weekend. The 20th is Olivia's birthday. At first, Kurt and I both thought that getting Married on Olivia's birthday would be a wonderful way to honor her. But, after talking to my mom about what Katie's first birthday was like, and reading about it on several blogs... we decided that we wanted to leave that day open so that we can feel free to grieve if we need to. Also, I think that Olivia deserves her own special day, and doesn't need to share it with her parents' anniversary. So, the 13th it is! We are having a relatively small wedding, with only about 130 people. Most of them are our relatives as both of our moms come from huge families. We got our marriage license yesterday! I am beyond excited but also getting to the point where I'm ready for all the planning to be over with so I can get back to living a normal life!

The Angel of Hope statue at Boys Town. I posted about it a few months ago, because it is located literally right in front of the church that we will be married in next month. Here's what the website says about it...
"The Christmas Box Angel of Hope was first introduced to the world in the international best selling book and hit television movie "The Christmas Box," written by Richard Paul Evans. The Original Angel of Hope statue, inspired by the book, was dedicated on December 6, 1994 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Donated by the Compassionate Friends Greater Omaha chapter, this piece is one of 100 identical pieces nationwide. It stands as "a symbol of hope for all parents and loved ones who have experienced the death of a child, not matter what age."

These two Willowtree figurines are especially important to me. Kurt's mom gave us this one. For a combined Mother's Day/Father's Day present, She gave us a single woman & a single man figurine, and this one with the little balloon that says "miss you". I cried when I opened them.



 My Aunt Allison visited us in the hospital the day Olivia was born and brought us this. She said that she wanted to get us something other than flowers, that we could have as a keepsake. I loved it so much and was so touched that she thought of it, and I had no idea what was about to happen or how special to me it would become. it sits on our shelf right next to Olivia's shadow box.

Day 18 - Your Wedding.

Since I don't have any pictures of the wedding to share yet, obviously, here's one of our engagement pictures. We have only seen about 5 of them so far  - our shoot was last week and we're waiting for our photographer to post the rest!

Day 19 - a talent of yours.
I honestly don't think I have one!

Day 20 - a hobby of yours
This is another hard question for me to answer! I have quite a few hobbies, but haven't  had a whole lot of "me" time to work on anything lately. I suppose I'd say that scrapbooking is my favorit hobby. I have SO much supplies its ridiculous... I've joked before that I'm a scrapbooking supplies hoarder. I have a craft "room", which is basically one end of the basement that's enclosed by three walls but opens up to the main living area.It is SUCH a mess right now and badly in need of some organization. It was unorganized before, but now there's a thick layer of wedding projects on top of all the scrapbooking stuff. I'm looking forward to tackling that project soon. One day, I hope to have a craft room like { Amanda }... but that's wishful thinking, right!?
I enjoy doing anything that's creative. Writing, drawing and painting are my favorites, and any type of project that allows me to make something for my home. Maybe someday I'll have more time to do some of the things I've been planning for what seems like forever!

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenes Day

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.
It's supposed to be a day dedicated to remembering the babies that we are unable to hold in our arms, and to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. I makes me so angry that it's such a taboo subject. I find it so interesting that even though 1 in every 4 women has lost a pregnancy or a baby after birth, yet people don't talk about it. If it's really 1 in 4, that means that EVERY single person knows SOMEONE who has gone through this.

Even though it's so common, there are so many situations that make us feel uncomfortable when we talk about our kids. Our society is very uncomfortable with death, and the loss of a child is especially hard for people to talk about. Those who haven't been through it have NO idea what to say.

That's why today is so important. It is SO important to educate the people in our lives about what we're going through or what we've gone through. I think the most common thought when someone loses a baby, whether it's to miscarriage, still birth, neonatal loss, etc., is "oh, they'll try again". While that's true, I think it's important for people who haven't had to deal with this type of loss to understand that each child is unique, and just because we know that we WILL have another child (or children), the child that was lost is always remembered, missed, and irreplacable, even if it was miscarried. I haven't experienced miscarriage personally, but I can tell you that the women I know who have, do NOT just think of it as a fetus that would someday be a baby - it already was a baby who was loved and very much wanted.

Tonight is the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner for Dana's wedding, so I won't really have time to participate in anything going on for Oct 15th, but to be honest I'm okay with that. Olivia's birthday is in one month and five days, and that will be her day.

At 7 pm, please light a candle and participate in the Wave of Light. I have met SO many amazing women over the past almost 11 months who are missing their babies just as much as I am. I will be thinking about ALL of you ladies today!