Sunday, July 24, 2011

illuminate, week #2

The focus of this week's illuminate assignments is "light". As soon as I read the assignment, I thought of a beautiful song that my friend Meredith shared with me a couple of months ago. I'm sure some of you have heard it by now, Christian radio stations play it pretty frequently. She sent the link to the music video to me in a Facebook message, and said that the Livie had been on her heart recently, and that when she heard this song she thought of us. It's sung by Addison Road, whose song "Hope Now" really helped me get through some dark months.





This Little Light, by Addison Road

There's a little flame inside us all

Some shine bright, some shine small
The rains will come and the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light
In this life you will know
Love and pain, joy and sorrow
So when it hurts, when times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

May you live each day with no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

There will be days when you want to give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark and let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

There's a little light inside us all

When thinking about life in terms of light... the several months after Olivia's death were extremely dark. And I'm not just talking about my mood. First of all, it was winter, which meant the days were usually dark and dreary anyway. But, because Kurt worked nights and slept during the day, and I was off of school and work on "maternity leave", I slept during the day, also. I basically was only awake during the night. If I was awake during the daytime hours, I kept the blinds closed if at all possible. I was depressed almost all of the time and rarely happy. It felt comfortable to be in a dark cloud all the time. I felt out of my element and un-natural if I had to go somewhere and put on a happy, smiley face. It was never genuine, and I couldn't wait to go back to our apartment, crawl back onto the couch with my blanket, and turn on the TV.

At some point though, things changed. I don't remember what it was that made me start thinking about things differently, or how long it took me, but I'm proud of myself for getting to this place.

Now, I refuse to live in a world filled with nothing but darkness. When we wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is open the blinds and let in as much sunlight as possible - literally and figuratively. Even though I may have really needed those couple of "dark" months to grieve and heal, I don't want to waste any more of the life that I was given. Losing Livie forced me to learn that nothing in life is a guarantee, and that I'm here for a reason. I know that my reason for living is not to stay hibernating in a dark apartment with the shades drawn.

Even though those months surrounding her death were the darkest days of my life, I know that she is the light who brightens up my world.





"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me - shine until tomorrow, let it be" - The Beatles

"Truly, it is in the darkness that one finds the light... so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us" - Meister Eckhart

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness, for it shows me the stars" - Og Mandino

"There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. This is the light that shines in your heart" - Chandogya Upandishad

6 comments:

Hope said...

Such sweet pics and i love the song!! xx

Rev. Sarah said...

I love the way you used light and colour in your pictures. It makes them look very soft and warm, and really highlights the things that are special to you as part of remembering Olivia.

Beryl said...

This was a really neat way to use the light in your home, especially with your description of the months following Livie's death. My husband used to work overnights so we know all to well that life. I was never one to stay up at night with him, but I think he definitely found the light over powering when we went out during the day during that time.

These words really spoke to me however "if I had to go somewhere and put on a happy, smiley face. It was never genuine, and I couldn't wait to go back to our apartment, crawl back onto the couch with my blanket, and turn on the TV." That was totally me. I felt like I was an actress when I had to go out. Forcing a smile. Pretending to interact. It was totally and utterly exhausting.

I am so glad the Livie is providing a gleam of light for you these days though. It is amazing how these tiny angels teach us to try our hardest to let the light in, be an inspiration, learn to live in the moment because you just never know what is around the corner. xoxo.

chancingthedance said...

Your pictures are beautiful. I especially love the second one. And the quotes are all great. I am so glad that you are letting your little light shine again.

Cynthia said...

I love how the "I miss you" is silhouetted (sp) in the pictures...a very lovely touch. Very warm, touching photos. I love the song, too. Music can really resonate. It's so true...it is a purposeful act to become a part of the world again. I'm not too good at it, though my public job makes me fake it more...it's tiring. So few understand how much work it is. Thank you for sharing.

Mary said...

Let it be is one of my all time favorites. Beautiful post!

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