Acknowledging.

{I was going through my posts today and found this draft that I wrote in August. I'm not sure why I never posted it... I read through it again and really liked it ... so here it is. I added the last two paragraphs on today}.

Loss. No one wants to acknowledge it. Our society completely sucks at that. And that sucks. People feel uncomfortable talking about bad things that happen, whether its to themselves or someone else. When people are having a conversation about loss, notice how almost everyone will try to justify it, or turn it into something positive by saying things like "It could have been worse", or, "at least _____ didn't happen", "at least we were able to ________", "... But we're lucky that...". I'm guilty of treating loss this way - I've done it in probably the majority of my posts here on this blog. And in all honesty, these things are usually true. We ARE lucky that we got to spend three days with Olivia, we were told that if we had waited any longer for an ultrasound that she would have been stillborn. So, yes, we are lucky.

But there are times when thinking about the positive is more painful than thinking about the negative. There are times when the loss is so painful that thinking about any of the happy times we had makes it hurt worse - because those happy times that we remember are the only ones we'll ever have with her here.

I have begun to feel like making those "yes it is/was awful, but..." statements is discounting our loss - making it sound like it wasn't - or isn't - as bad as it really is/was. Why do we feel like we need to say things to make OTHERS feel better about OUR pain?

I guess I'm just feeling down today, and frustrated with it. I wish loss was a more comfortable thing to talk about. I think it frustrates me really because I myself am completely comfortable talking about it - those of you who have lost babies know, that you talk about it so much that at some point it isn't hard any more. It's not ME that I'm being positive for. It's the person that I'm talking to. that person, whoever it is, isn't used to dealing with it every living breathing moment of every single day, and so when they ask you "how are you doing?" It totally freaks them out to hear, "Awful. Today sucks, I hate it, I'm very sad and I miss my kid".

This, I think, is why I keep posting things to help raise awareness for infant loss. I know I don't have too many followers compared to some of you guys, but if I can make just one person more comfortable with the idea of loss then that makes me happy. Because when it happens, you NEED a friend that can simply say "I hear ya - it sucks, I hate that you're sad and I'm sad too. I wish I could have known your baby" ... rather than "ohh, isn't that too bad. welp, it'll get better! Time heals all wounds". {do not say this, btw}

Anywho, there's my rant for the day. I'm at work and really should be working :).