Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

I was so dreading today. As I posted about before, I was terrified of being forgotten about and not recognized as a mother. Fortunately, I am surrounded by wonderful people who made sure that didn't happen. I actually ended up having a very nice day. I spent time with my family, and so many more people than I expected told me "happy mother's day" through facebook or text messages.

Last night, Kurt had to work so I went to my parents' house and spent time with my mom, dad, and sister. I decided to give my mom her gift then because I didn't know if I would be able to keep it together emotionally if we exchanged gifts at my Grandma's in front of family members. She and my dad gave me a beautiful card that made me cry, and a gift card to Barnes & Noble. :) I was not expecting to receive gifts, but it definitely made me feel good! We stayed up VERY late (Kurt worked until 3am and I stayed at their house almost the whole time) and did a lot of talking about Olivia. It was so nice.

This morning, Kurt told me "Happy Mother's Day" as soon as the alarm went off. It was really nice to hear that first thing in the morning. He gave me a card that he had written some very sweet words in. It was all I needed and more - he always knows exactly what to say.

We went to brunch (which was kind of disappointing for how expensive it was!) with his parents and sister. His mom had given us our Mother's Day/Father's Day present a few weeks ago...

Then, Kurt and I went to buy some flowers to take to the cemetary. While we were there, he told me to pick out a bouquet for myself. I picked yellow daisies with baby yellow roses for her, and hydrangeas with yellow daisies for me, so that they'd match.

Her gravemarker isn't in yet... but it should be within the next couple of weeks. I can't wait for it to be there, I'm getting so sick of the bare patch of grass. The purple things sticking up are Irises... my dad gave them to me to take to her, they're from my great-grandmother's garden. When she died, he transplanted them to my parents' backyard. Clearly, I didn't think about cutting them short enough to actually look good with the daisies, but oh well! Kurt found the pinwheels at target for $1.

It definitely seems backwards - taking flowers to your baby's grave on Mother's Day... but for some reason, I didn't let it upset me too much. Kurt felt upset because he had really been looking forward to making the day special for me with her. He told me the other day that he had been thinking of making me breakfast in bed this morning, but that he had wanted to do that with her and had thought of it many times while I was pregnant. He thought it would be too emotionally hard for him to do that today, and I agreed with him. Seeing him hurting almost hurts me more than when I'm hurting. If that makes sense.

After we left the cemetary, I went over to my Grandma's to spend some time with my Grandma, Mom, and Aunt Mary. They spend mothers day afternoon together every year, and it was very nice to be included this year. We ate chips and dip and chocolate and drank some wine :). It was a wonderful afternoon.
Also, my very sweet cousin sent me a card with a giftcard to Lowe's. She said that it's so I can pick out a perennial to plant in a special spot to remind me of Livie every year. I am so blessed to have such wonderful and thoughtful family and friends.

I wish Livie was here to "help" Kurt make me breakfast, and I wish I were able to sit here holding my almost 6-month old little girl instead of writing a post about my first Mother's Day without her... But I am so thankful that I am her mommy, and that I got to do the things that I did get to do with her. I spent three perfect days with her, and today I will choose to celebrate that.

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Anonymous said...

Those flowers are beautiful! I'm sure Olivia loves them!!

Michelle Karr said...

I am glad you had a good day and were not forgotten. You were in my thoughts and prayers!!

Lara + Chris said...

I'm so glad you had a good day. Where is Olivia buried?

Lara + Chris said...

Caleb and Olivia are close! He's at 50th and Center at Westlawn. There's a memorial bench there where you can have the cremated remains put, which is what we did. I wanted to have something to visit. I wasn't really in my right mind, though, or I probably would have opted for something different - keeping it or burying him.

Next time I'm out that way I'll stop by and say hi to Livie!

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