Tuesday, September 21, 2010

untitled.

I've been having sort of a hard time lately, but haven't really had time to have a hard time. That doesn't really make any sense. Things have really picked up with school lately, and between all of my classes, my internship, still trying to work a few hours a week at my part time job, I've been spending every spare second working on the wedding... I really haven't had time to think about Livie.

Don't get me wrong, I think about her every day. But before we got so insanely busy, I had a lot of extra time to do things that made me feel connected to her, and now I just don't. I hadn't realized that until today, when it occured to me that her first birthday is two months from yesterday. I have been working on her scrapbook and the plan had always been to have it completed by her first birthday and share it with family members. With everything that's going on, there's no way that it will be finished in time.

In my logical mind, I know that it's okay and that it doesn't make a difference. In my mommy mind, I feel horrible. I hate that I've had a year to make a scrapbook of my daughters 3 day life, and it's not done. That doesn't seem right to me.

I'm not really trying to make any type of point with this post... I guess I'm just trying to say that I feel bad.

and I miss her.

and that's all.
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5 comments:

Lara + Chris said...

It's okay to feel bad. It's okay to miss her. Of course you do. You'll get that scrapbook done, and it will be amazing. Livie will be so proud of you!

pennynjon said...

I know what you mean. I can't stand the feeling of not doing those things that make you feel connected. Don't beat yourself up...you are a great mom to Livie-and she knows that!

Jack and Kyle's Mom said...

I understand how you feel. I look at the scrap books and baby books I have and I know exactly what each page will look like, but I still haven't done it for Kyle.

The McNeil Family said...

Love you, Betsy! Lots of hugs!

Alysha Shanahan said...

Thinking of you, you are a very busy little lady, and I am sure Livie is proud of each good thing in your life you are accomplishing now. School, wedding plans, etc. You are an awesome Mommy, and don't let your mommy mind tell you any differently :) Love and hugs!

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