Friday, December 10, 2010

Dec 10 - Wisdom

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

This year, I really decided to start living for myself. but not in an "it's all about me!" kind of way... I just made the decision that I needed to start doing things for myself more. Taking time to do the things that I enjoy, and just not worrying about what other people think as much.

For a period of time during the earlier years of college, I got pretty sucked in to going out all the time and being extremely social. I think it really surprised my family and other people who were close to me at that point because that's really NOT me. I've never been a loner, I've always had friends and love spending time with them, but I've never really been the party girl type. For whatever reason, I started hanging out some friends that were more like that, and I don't know if I was trying to impress them, or exatly what, but I had a hard time saying no to them, and soon enough I was going out constantly. I stopped doing the things I love, spending time with friends that had been there for years, etc.

This "behavior" (i don't really know what else to call it) stopped when Kurt moved home to Nebraska... but even then, I spent all of my time with him, mostly hanging out and watching movies, and getting together with his friends and their girlfriends/fiances/wives every once in a while. I was pretty unhappy - not with Kurt, but with myself - and didn't even realize it.

Olivia's passing is what really made me understand. I had been living my life for the past few years doing things that other people wanted me to do - even if they had the best intentions. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hated everything Kurt and I did together or like the first part of our relationship was crappy or something. It was more like I was just along for the ride, just going through the motions of life withoutreally contributing anything to it.

Last January, after I spent a month laying on the couch and doing absolutely nothing, I pulled it together, went back to work and school, and made the conscious decision to start living more for myself. Life is just too short to not be completely happy, to not be constantly engaged in something that brings you joy. We were slapped in the face with that realization, and I am determined to not let it happen again.

It was, without a doubt, the most wise decision that I made this year.

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Lara + Chris said...

Good for you! This is a very inspiring post. :)

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