Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Happy New Year!!

A few days late!

2010 was definitely an interesting one for us. For Kurt and I, and for our family. We have had a lot of ups, and a lot of downs. I like to think that there were more ups than downs, but we certainly came in to 2010 having no idea what to expect. Usually, every new year seems like it's going to be just the same as the last. I've felt like my life is measured by semesters for as long as I can remember, so the new year usually symbolizes another semester beginning. But when 2010 began, not only were we about to start a new semester of classes, but I was also going to have to learn how to be a parent to a baby that is not alive. My whole life had changed, and at that point I did not think it had cganged for the better. It felt like there was a black cloud hanging over our apartment, that followed me wherever I went when I left in the morning, and followed me back home at night. How was I supposed to function in this new skin? I think Kurt felt the same way.

And it has been difficult to say the least. But you know what? I think we've done a pretty good job. If you were to ask me on this day last year, where I thought we'd be on January 4, 2011, I wouldn't have known what to say.... but I know I would have been thinking that I would never feel better, and that the pain would be exactly the same. I am proud to say that it's been a better year than I ever would have expected. I don't want to sum up the bad things that have happened or dwell on the sad feelings that I've had. I think it's more important to focus on the blessings that we received. Over the past year, we memorialized Olivia in beautiful ways. We think about her every day. Losing her has connected me with so many amazing women that I never would have known had she not died. I am extremely thankful for those friendships. They got me through some pretty dark times. Kurt and I both grew up a little bit more over the past year, and I am also thankful for that. Not that we weren't adults before, but seeing the world from a parent's perspective for the first time ever really changes everything you think and feel, even if your child is not living. We had a beautiful wedding, watched wonderful friends as they got married, and helped welcome the beautiful babies of some very dear friends into the world. We've both managed to be extremely successful in school, and we've become closer as a couple.

So, Happy New Year! I hope that the friends I've made who are walking this path of grief along with me are able to continue healing. I hope that the new year brings everyone peace, and all the happiness you deserve. Thanks for reading this little blog for the past year. I have been blessed by so many wonderful readers who make me feel like my little corner of the internet is actually worth something :).



(Out for Sushi on New Year's Eve)

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3 comments:

Lia Larson said...

Happy New Year Betsy! It's so interesting to read your blog knowing you're approx. one year ahead of me in the grieving. When you said, "My whole life had changed, and at that point I did not think it had cganged for the better. It felt like there was a black cloud hanging over our apartment, that followed me wherever I went when I left in the morning, and followed me back home at night. How was I supposed to function in this new skin?" it really hit home. That's how I feel now. But I do have hope that it will get better. Thanks for posting so I might know what to expect next year.

Michelle Karr said...

:) I am excited to see what God has in store for you this year. I am amazed when I look at last Jan and this Jan and see the difference in myself.

Sarafan2 said...

You are such a strong and amazing woman to be able to share what you have gone through with others. I just sat here for over a half hour reading all about Olivia. She was a little princess I bet. God must have had better plans for her. You look like you have a wonderful hubby, and family. WHen things are right, it will happen. I wish you and your husband nothing but best wishes for a happy marriage, great health, and lots of babies if god is able to bless you with them. Thanks for opening up and sharing about your life.

God Bless you,


Kelly(Sarafan2)
http;//www.sarafan2.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/sarafan2

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