Monday, March 29, 2010

crazy week ahead!

Aside from my little mini-breakdown on Monday night, the last couple weeks have been really, really good. We have been under less stress now that we've finally gotten most of our things unpacked and are all settled in with Kurt's parents.

But, I'm gearing up for this to be a really long, stressful, and hard week. I interviewed with two different adoption agencies to see about doing my practicum there next school year, and I will be hearing back from both of them by Wednesday. I have a preference, and I'm nervous that the one I want to offer me the position won't be the one that actually does! I know I will be stressing about getting those phone calls until one of them actually calls me!

I have a pretty big paper due tomorrow afternoon. It's almost done, but I still need to put the finishing touches on it after I finish writing this post. I have a genogram and ecomap assignment due (more about that in a minute) on Tuesday. A quiz to take on Tuesday morning.... ugh. At some point this week, I have a make-up quiz to take from a day that I missed a couple of weeks ago. I have to finish a paper by Thursday that was actually my final project from last semester, but my professer graciously allowed me to take an incomplete and gave me a huge extension. I have totally put off finishing it up completely. Also, I have some assignments to complete and turn in for my statistics class from last semester, which I took an incomplete in, too.

This genogram thing really stressed me out. It's not a complicated assignment. Basically, it's just a really precise family tree that includes relationships between the family members, any mental illnesses, drug or alcohol problems, etc. It's used to depict the relationships and the appearance of issues across generations. Social workers use them when doing a family assessment on a client.  I had to make a VERY complex one for my family science course a few years ago, so I knew this assignment would be just a scaled down version of the one I've already done.

As I was drawing it out I realized something that really disturbed me. To represent someone who is deceased, an "X" has to be drawn over that person. In order to include Olivia in my family, I had to cross her out. I realized this while I was driving over to my parents' house to get the big posterboard version that I made a couple of years ago. I cried the whole way there. I worked on the assignments for a few hours tonight, and drew her symbol first. I didn't cross it out until I was all the way finished though. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I know it was just tiny symbol on a piece of paper... and it means nothing. I just hate how I will be fine all day long, and then the smallest little thing sends me over the edge. I will feel happy all week, and be extremely at peace with everything. Kurt and I will have fun, I will think of Olivia only in happy ways... and then a little one inch mark on a piece of paper turns me into a complete wreck! ugh.

Anyway.. As for the rest of  the week. Kurt has an assignment due that I promised I would help him with. I have work on Wednesday night. Friday is my sister Katie's birthday, and my mom and I are planning on going to visit her at her cemetary, and also  to visit Olivia. Easter is on Sunday. I have to find shoes to go with my easter dress, and figure out something to bake to take to my Grandma's brunch that day. Kurt and I are also going to visit Olivia after church on Sunday, so I need to stop at the store at some point and buy a lily to take her.

Somehow, I have to find time to eat, sleep, eat, actually GO to school, and work out! and eat :).


Katie said...

Good luck with school this week! As crazy as it was, I do miss it. Also, just wanted to say that I wouldn't want to cross my child's name out either. That would be tough. I probably would have drawn the X first and written her name OVER that... lol same thing I guess but at least you aren't actually crossing over her name. Well anyway, I hope this week goes by fast and that you get the practicum that you want.

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